It has been awhile (again) since I’ve blogged. I’ve honestly thought about taking the blog down, and wondered whether this is something I still need. My original intentions were to have a place to communicate with friends and family, a place where I could journal and process my thoughts and feelings, but mostly it was to be a way for my sister and her family to stay in touch with me while they were overseas. Said sister has since moved home, and I see them on a regular basis. I know that I have family members and friends who continue to check this as a way to keep in touch with me, and as a way to understand what I am thinking about. Unfortunately, there are some side effects to having a blog that is open to the community at large. Throughout the time, there have been inappropriate comments left on the blog by complete strangers (which I have taken down as they emerge). It is also a way for people that I would rather not have contact with (for various reasons) to keep “track” of me. I realize that I could change the format so that only selected people can view the blog and it’s contents. This seems like a whole lot of work, which is why I’ve been thinking more seriously about discontinuing it all together. The other thought that pops into my head is that I know there are individuals out there who do read this and look for my updates on a regular basis. I know that this is one of the many ways that they show that they care for me. It is these people that I keep coming back to, and that convince me that this is something I “need” to continue. And so, I think I will. There may be stretches where I post many times, and then there may be times (like more recently) when you won’t hear anything from me. Such is life! ☺

My life has changed courses several times over the past months since January. On some subjects I am willing to expound, while others I will remain “mum” over. These months have been some of the hardest of my life as I’ve pondered what my life means to me, as well as to others. I’ve felt incredible sadness, consuming anger, hurt that I didn’t think it was possible to recover from…. On the other hand, I am finding my way back to being me, and putting the pieces back together. I have felt incredible PEACE. I have JOY in my life. I know that I am LOVED. And, I know that God is guiding me through this all and will show me His plans for me.

Eric and I have broken up, gotten back together, and then broken up (for good this time) again. I will not stoop to placing blame or badmouthing. Things did not work out and we are both hoping to move on and be better for the experience.

One of my students struggles with knowing right from wrong. There have been several incidents throughout the school year with various adults and children that have shown how serious of a problem he has. This behavior culminated in an interaction with me, which then turned into him being charged with sexual battery. I have had lots of conflicting thoughts about this, and I’ve been so thankful for the full support of the administration I’m working with this year.

I’ve begun my ESL (English as a Second Language) endorsement. Classes are in 8-week increments, and meet each week for several hours at a time. 8 weeks means lots of work out of class and tons of reading on your own. By spring of 2012 I will have my endorsement completed. I feel a bit crazy for having taken on this responsibility while I’m also trying to complete my Master’s Degree, but the school district offered to pay for the endorsement (or at least most of the costs related to it) and I realize that this offer will not come along again anytime soon.

I’m at the end of my second semester of Master’s degree coursework. I’m finishing up my final project(s) for this semester, and preparing for the summer work. I have 12 credits completed towards my degree. A few weeks ago the organization that has helped pay for most of my Master’s coursework up to this point sent me a letter asking whether I had any interest in continuing to take classes during this summer. This is the first time they’ve had enough money to offer help during the summer months, and I jumped at the chance to “knock out” some additional courses over the summer. By August I’ll have finished 6 more hours towards the degree. Slowly and steadily….

I’ve also been offered a summer position with the school district. One of the principals in the district is developing a new summer program, and I’ve been asked to help create the pilot program. I’ll be teaching Monday through Thursday mornings with 4-7th grade students for a total of 6 weeks. The principal trusts me to develop my own curriculum and activities for the students, and her only request is that it is not worksheet based learning. I’ll be taking data from achievement testing (district, state, etc…) as well as the State Standards that students need to understand and put into practice at the different grade levels and put all of that into activities for the students. I’ve already been doing quite a bit of planning in my free time, and I’m excited with what I’ve come up with so far. I’m hopeful that the kids get as excited about it as I am!

Another of the projects I’ve recently taken on is to be a spokesperson for one of the Gluten Free companies that I love. It’s a bakery called Udi’s and is based in Denver. As an Udi’s ambassador I get to meet with groups and share about the product I love so much. So far I’ve met with a group in Hesston, and will be in Wichita next weekend presenting (and handing out samples) at Green Acres Market. There are two other gluten free groups that I’m talking with about possible opportunities, and I’m excited about how I’m able to help others. Udi’s does not pay me to be a spokesperson for them, I just know how much they are a resource to me, and I want to share that with others.

I’ve been busy baking (gluten filled) treats for my friend’s bookshop. Each weekend I make a delivery of cupcakes, scones, and muffins. I’m thankful for the opportunity to bake treats, but I’ll also be thankful when the bookshop/coffee shop changes ownership hands, and I will no longer be baking on such a regular basis. Since the shop is in Newton, it is sometimes a logistical nightmare to make sure they have baked goods when they are needed.

I’ve been blessed with a new niece, as well as plenty of time to enjoy her (as well as my nephew, sister and brother-in-law). As I write this, Gustav and I are enjoying the sunshine as I wait for Mormor to show up and finish out the afternoon babysitting needs. I’ll head to the doctor and then home.

I’m praying for the final weeks of school to pass quickly. As I look at the calendar I feel overwhelmed, knowing what all needs to be packed into these days and evenings. I know it is possible, and that I will get it all accomplished, but at this point I feel stress.

Blessings to you as you enter the weeks of May. Enjoy the moments as they come and go,

Erica

PTL

My sister makes fun of me for many things, but one of the things she has teased me about lately is my use of acronyms when chatting online with her. While my chatting and texting vocabulary is not as large as the average 8 year olds, it IS much larger than hers since she's been out of the country for 3 years now.. One of the latest I've learned is PTL, which a friend used on her facebook update. I had to ask to find out what she was actually saying, and since then I've seen it several more times, and the messages make so much more sense now! :)

PTL: The first week of school has passed. There were several bumps and bruises along the way, but I'm sure things will get ironed out in the next few weeks. This first week has left me very tired, and ready to go to bed at 4:00 when my day at school ends. I've also been doing several massages each Tues. and Thurs. evening, and on Saturdays. The juggling of the two jobs and my normal things around the house (mowing, laundry, dishes, etc...) have made me so tired that I haven't even attempted going to the pool. I'm still hopeful that I will be able to add that back in soon....

PTL: My Dell computer arrived and several days ahead of schedule. I'm slowly loading the programs I use onto it, and spending some time playing and discovering what all I've got.

PTL: Heidi and Tim have found a house, and will be moving their things in starting Thursday. This means the state wide storage rooms will be emptied, and all items will be happily joined together in Newton, not far from Shalom. I'm sure that much excitment and jubilation will be felt as Heidi and Tim unpack boxess and rediscover their long-lost belongings.

PTL: Sunday's special music at church turned out much better than the fiasco it could have been. I'm so thankful that most in the congregation have/had no idea what all transpired.

PTL: I've been blessed by my family who love and support me, who care about me, care for me when I need them, and laugh with me. I can't imagine a better family to be a part of.

PTL: Good friendships make my life so much better. I was able to share dinner with several friends last night at my home, and our laughter until 10:30 last night has caried me through the day today. I've been graced with more friends than I can count, I have many more than "my fair share".

Hopefully you've figured out what PTL stands for (or maybe you already knew!)...if not, try to use your context clues! :) I would love to hear what others come up with!

...poisoning yourself, and hoping that your enemy will die...

While driving to Omaha last Friday for my cousin Craig’s wedding, I had the chance to dig out some of my CDs that I haven’t listened to lately. It isn’t often that I’m in one place long enough to truly listen to the words of songs, and think about how they relate to my own life. If you’ve read some of my earlier postings, I’m sure that you realize that I love music. The truth is that while it is a large part of my life, it is sometimes relegated to the background. While I need to have the constant music going, I really enjoy the times that I can sit down and LISTEN.

One of the CDs that I brought with me for the car ride was a CD that Jon, my brother-in-law’s brother, made for me. He ran the sound for the John McCutcheon concert at Mem Hall last year, and was kind enough to burn me a copy of the entire concert. John McCutcheon is one of my favorite folk artists—his songs and stories ring true for me. There were some very special moments in the concert, lots of good stories, and a large group of Mennonites singing 606. It was amazing!

One of the stories that he related that night was about his father-in-law and the wonderful relationship they have. Amid stories about all the good things his father-in-law had brought with him when he emigrated from Cuba, McCutcheon told this story.

“…Carlos is one of the wisest men I know, and the best story teller I’ve ever heard. And no matter what you come to him with, he always has some entertaining and often illuminating story to illustrate what he thinks. A few years back I came to him and told him that I’d had a falling out with an old and dear friend, and the parting was so acrimonious I was convinced we would never reconcile...”

In the conversation Carlos says “Hatred is a terrible thing…it is like poisoning yourself, and hoping that your enemy will die. But I understand the struggle that goes on between good and evil, and love and hatred in a man. All my life it is as though I’ve had two wolves inside of me and each of them are fighting for dominance of my spirit. One of the wolves is good, and lives in harmony with all around it…never takes offense when none is intended, and only fights when it is the last possible alternative and even then only in the proper way. Ah, but the other wolf is so consumed with his own anger and hatred that he will fight with anyone, over anything at anytime. And all my life it is as though these two have been warring within me.”

McCutcheon asks, “Carlito, which one wins?”

“Ah…the one I feed…”

At the time of the concert this song and story struck me, and going back this weekend and listening to it brought several incidences to the forefront of my mind. I’ve been struggling to come up with something to write about here (to my sister’s severe protestations!) and tonight as I thought about some things happening at work, the story and song came back to me.

There are times that I become very frustrated with individuals that I work with. Recently there has been one person who repeatedly presents me with times of frustration. This has been going on all year, and affects not only myself, but an entire team. While I’m frustrated with the situation, there is another individual that has been affected even more than me. This person is a good friend of mine, and as I’ve watched the entire thing play out, I have seen her struggle with how to handle the situation. Yesterday, she reached a breaking point, and it was hard for me to watch. She was frustrated, and in her frustration she spent a good amount of time venting. While I understand that this is what she needed (and honestly it is sometimes what I myself need!), I also reached a point where I realized that sitting around the table and hashing it all out was only making us more upset. At some point, the disgruntled comments have to turn into a plan. I am a fixer at heart, and I can’t stand seeing someone so upset about what is going on.

I spent a lot of time yesterday and today thinking and praying about how I might go about fixing the problem. The situation with our team is beyond repair, I feel. We will be able to make it through the rest of the school year (just barely), but a new plan must be made for next year. My question to myself then was what I should do…and the only thing that came to mind was talking to the director about the issue. I struggle with this because it feels like I’m jumping the chain of command and turning into a tattler. We have tried to mediate within the group, and the truth is that the situation has only gotten worse and tenser. Today I spent much of my “free” time gathering my thoughts, and deciding how to phrase things. I’ve written a letter to the director, and tried to be as fair as possible about the whole thing—attempting to present facts, and not just my opinions about what has gone on. I was tempted to send it this afternoon, but I realized that I needed to spend some more time in prayer. My prayer tonight is that when I send the email tomorrow with this letter, that I will be feeding the correct wolf. I am uncomfortable with discord, and in constant pursuit of creating peace for myself and those around me. I worry that this letter will create discomfort for us as individuals, and as a team; but as a friend reminded me tonight, peacemaking includes dialogue and a resolution to the situation. The only way that will happen is if we open the lines of communication, and involve someone other than ourselves in the situation.

Self Examination

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take it; this is my body.” Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, and they all drank from it. “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.” Mark 14:22-24

I’ve been processing this since yesterday, and wondering what I would end up writing. First, I should say that I knew that I would face challenges as I accepted this new way of eating. Some challenges are easily met and life goes on, while others nag at me and wait for alternatives. Yesterday’s church service provided me with a challenge that has been gnawing at me ever since, and I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what to do about it.

Yesterday was the first church service of the month, and we celebrated communion together. Or rather, I celebrated parts of communion. Because of the gluten in the bread I had to pass the loaf along. While I know in my heart that God understood my reasons, it nearly brought me to tears having to do it.

Having grown up in the Mennonite church, and being baptized as a young adult, I did not participate in communion all of my life. In addition to that, Whitestone (depending on which pastors we had) did not celebrate communion very often. I remember celebrating it maybe once or twice per year. The act of communion grew to be very special to me, and holds much significance. While baptism only happens once in a lifetime, communion is meant to be observed many times throughout the life of a Christian.

My father and I have had conversations in the past about churches that take communion weekly, and how the celebration that is communion becomes common place to the congregation. While I can understand how that might happen, I often wished that Whitestone had had it more often. One of the things I love most about attending the Presbyterian Church in Marion is that they have communion at least once per month.

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood; you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." John 6:53-54

While I know that I am no less of a Christian because I’m unable to partake of the bread during communion, I do feel that I’m missing out on something. Communion is a time for us to be together as a community…congregation…body… Am I still a part of that group? Surely I am, but the feeling is still there gnawing at me. Observation of communion is about remembering Christ, his sacrifice for us, and self-examination. I’m still able to remember, to be thankful, but there is something about the physical elements that makes this more difficult to me. As a teacher, I’ve learned about how one must teach to a variety of learners, taking into consideration their specific learning styles. Perhaps the kinesthetic portion of communion is how I’m able to truly reflect, learn and change?

I’m unsure whether I have any more answers now, than when I began this post. I know that the process of writing down my feelings and thoughts is cathartic for me. It could be that I will learn to accept my partial participation in communion, or that this is something I will always struggle with. I do know that avoiding the church on days of communion is NOT the approach I should choose, but I have to admit that today that looks really tempting.

Sing a new song

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord. --Ephesians 5:19

Music is a large part of my life. Growing up in a musical family, I was exposed to many types of musical opportunities, and developed an appreciation for many musical genres. As I go about my day to day life, there is a constant stream of music on my mind, in my ears,and on my tongue.

The day may be gloomy, with dark clouds and sleet coming down. At times, depending on what else is going on in my life, my mood will match that. Even when I'm upset there is a song that will match my mood or feelings. Often, the music of my mood is what gets me out of the funk, and on to better things.

The children in my classroom have grown accustomed to me breaking out in song. They grin and giggle each time, and then turn back to their work. Sometimes if they know the song, they'll sing along with me. Even if they don't, they try to hum along. In their time with me they've been exposed to many more types of music than they would have otherwise, as well as the exposure to academics, of course. :)

When one sings, the whole body reverberates with the sound. Deeper breaths=more oxygen in your system=quite the calming effect. For me, it heals my body and lifts my spirits. When preparing for surgery, there were only 2 things I was really concerned about. One of them was what my voice would be like afterwards, and if it were gone, how I would deal with it. I deal with all the "stuff" of life through music, and how do you come to terms with things when your ways of processing are taken away from you? I will be forever thankful for the fact that I'm still able to sing.

All of that to really say this: Today was a tough day for me. There are things that I'm worried about with family members and today brought no answers, even though they were promised. To add to that, I had a student in class who had a difficult day. He's one of my behavior students, and while he's had a good year this year, today must have been a challenge for him. In reaction to it, flying pencils, chairs and books were made a part of my day today. Through it all I had a song going through my head. I've been listening to a lot of Carrie Newcomer lately. She has plenty of songs that reflect my moods and beliefs. One of her songs is called "Geodes" and speaks of how we sometimes overlook the truly wonderful things in life. The chorus of the song especially resonated with me today.

All these things that we call familiar,
Are just miracles clothed in the common place.
You’ll see it if you try in the next stranger's eyes,
God walks around in muddy boots,
Sometimes rags and that's the truth.
You can't always tell, but sometimes you just know.

The student today comes from an awful family life. He's clothed in castoffs from other foster children who've moved on, much too big and worn. His academic needs are enormous--not because he isn't a smart little boy, but because life circumstances have gotten in the way. While he's had quite the history of behavior problems in the past, this is really the first instance he has ever shown aggression with me. Today there was a substitute teacher in his regular education classroom, and any change for a student with behavior issues can cause problems. I'm unsure whether the chaos of the classroom was what caused the problem, or whether there was something deeper bothering him. In either case he doesn't have the skills to express what is truly at the root of the problem. Even while I was dodging items today, I knew that somewhere within is the child he's been all year long for me. Instead of anger at him, I felt an incredible sadness, and an anger that he's had to deal with so much in his short life. I was able to get him calmed down, and he was able to apologize to me before leaving my room this afternoon. I'm hopeful that he is able to find some peace and that we'll be back to our normal relationship tomorrow morning.

I've got a "Gratitude Attitude"

This past week the kindergarten, 1st and 2nd graders had their Thanksgiving concert. One of the songs was called "Gratitude Attitude". At a point in the song the kids were able to come up to the mic and shout out what they were grateful for. Many mentioned family, friends, living in the US, etc... The one that was my favorite though was a former student of mine. Knowing the kid as I do, I was praying that something acceptable would come out of his mouth when he came up to the mic. He's had a tough life...abusive father, mother who was beaten numerous times in front of him, learning disability, moving frequently between Marion and Wichita and last year his father committed suicide. He's been talking about his father a lot recently, and his mother wasn't quite sure what would come out of his mouth when he got his chance. We were all relieved when out of his mouth popped "I'm thankful for bananas!" :)

I too am thankful for bananas. I'm thankful for so much more though.

I'm thankful for loving parents who take care of me and have raised me in a wonderful home.
I'm thankful for my sister Heidi, and the loving close friendship we share.
I'm thankful for my dear brother-in-law, Tim, who always makes me smile.
I'm thankful for my nephew Gustav, and his continued good health and constant learning.
I'm thankful for my extended families on both sides, and the fact that we are so close to each other and enjoy spending time with each other.
I'm thankful for a talented surgeon, a benign tumor, and continued recovery.
I'm thankful for a new diagnosis of celiac, and the possibilities of fewer migraines in my future!
I'm thankful for my many friends. They span the globe and have many interests, but I love spending time with each of them.
I'm thankful for a stable job in this unstable economic time.

I am blessed.

Tomorrow is a day devoted to counting our blessings. Mine are more numerous than what I can list here. The following Sunday is the first Sunday in Advent. While I have many of my Christmas gifts already purchased and waiting to be wrapped, I know that there are many who will not be able to give gifts.

I happened to see this clip through another friend's blog.



I've written about my hatred of Santa on here before. I won't bore you again. I feel that the clip speaks for itself, and America's consumerism. As I was watching this clip though, my mind kept coming back to how fortunate I am. The church I attend here in Marion usually participates in Marion's version of the Angel Tree. This year our town is in crisis. In a town of 1800 the closings of businesses and layoffs in others has been felt drastically. Our food bank is nearly empty. Parents aren't concerned with giving their children presents for Christmas this year, they need food to put in their children's mouths. Instead of collecting presents for the children in Marion this year, we are all asked to donate to the food pantry.

While I am trying to stretch my dollars as far as they will go these days, I am no-where near where many families are. I don't have to worry about where my next meal will come from, whether there will be anything to put in my mouth. My stomach does not groan with hunger pains.

Tomorrow I will be feasting with my loved ones. I am confident that the table will be packed with dishes, and that no one will be leaving hungry. We'll have seconds, thirds, and leftovers to take home. We'll laugh at each other, and with each other! :) We'll nap, we'll play. We will show our love for each other.

I'm still trying to figure out what all I can do to help those around me. So far I've got a shopping trip planned for purchasing items that food stamps won't cover (toiletries like deoderant, shampoo, etc...) and canned items. It isn't much, but it is a way I can contribute.

Happy Thanksgiving dear friends and family. May you enjoy the time with your loved ones tomorrow and over the weekend, and be thinking of those around you!

Hello everyone!

Saturday we enjoyed a beautiful evening at the reservoir. Ruth and the kids joined Mom, Dad and me for an evening of food and swimming. We grilled Hillsboro sausage, ate fresh veggies and dip, enjoyed several salads and of course yummy smores. After dinner the kids and I went swimming, the water was cool because we were in the shade by that point, but we had a good time playing Monkey in the Middle and just swimming around.

Mint and Feta Lentil Salad
1 cup lentils
3 bay leaves
4 cloves garlic
1/4 to 1/2 tsp. oregano
1 red onion, chopped
1 bell pepper, chopped
5 TBSP chopped mint (I used dried)
salt and pepper to taste
6 oz. Feta cheese

Marinade
6 TBSP olive oil
6 TBSP red wine vinegar
2 TBSP lime juice
1/2 to 1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. minced garlic

Rinse lentils. Cover lentils with water with several inches extra. Put in bay leaves, garlic and oregano, and boil. Lower heat and simmer for 20-25 minutes, until lentils are tender. Drain and cool.

Whisk together the marinade/dressing, and add salt and pepper. Add the veggies and dressing to the lentils and let it marinate before serving. Add mint and feta right before serving.





Sunday the Buller siblings sat in Arlin and Maretta's basement to divide out some of the boxes left over from moving Grandma. I went as well, and enjoyed listening to their stories and their laughter together. I am so thankful to be part of 2 large families that love to be together. Not very many are as fortunate as I.

We've had some spectacular sunsets in my area of KS recently. Sunsets are one of my favorite ways of remembering God and his love for us. I've been reading the book "The Shack" these past weeks. It is a book that has been difficult for me to get through (although this is not most people's experience with the book). While at times I have forced myself to keep turning the pages, I do like the fact that the book questions what we feel we "know" about God. While we "know" that God is neither male nor female, most of the people I went to school with only see God as a male figure, and when we talked about God as a mother in Bible class, reacted with a feeling close to revulsion. In the book "The Shack" God appears as an African American woman, speaking in incomplete sentences, and dishing up collard greens. I've never understood my classmate's reactions in that Bible class, whether they were more familiar with a vengeful God, whether it was a battle over the sex of God, etc... For myself, I delight in the idea that God escapes our ability for exact descriptions. My own imagination has several versions of what God looks like, but my favorite closely resembles the grandfather figure in my favorite children's book "Grandfather Twilight", by Barbara Berger. The book has beautiful soft pictures, and its a wonderful 'good-night' book before bed. The story shows Grandfather Twilight as he walks through the darkened forest each evening to welcome the night with his gift to the darkness, the moon. The recent sunsets have had me turning the pages to this book many times in the past weeks. Each time I look at it I smile, and find peace in the knowledge I have a loving mother, father, friend, and protector...May you have that same peace.

Good night!

Hallelujah, the Great Storm is Over

"The thunder and lightning gave voice to the night....the little lost child cried aloud in her fright....hush little baby, a story I will tell...of a love that has vanquished the powers of hell..."

We've had some great storms recently. Each time the dusk comes with the silver lightning and booming thunder claps, this song runs through my mind. The imagery of the 'voice to the night', is beautiful and a bit breathtaking. Storms in Kansas are magnificent things. I find so much of God's beauty in them. In fact one of my favorite activities is sitting on my parent's back porch with the chiminea going, feeling the change in temperature, smelling the approaching rain, and watching the clouds roll in.

As a survivor of the Hesston tornado, I grew up with a respect for what those beautiful clouds can bring. I have to admit though, that along with the respect for the devastation a storm can wield, I get quite the rush from each storm. My pulse starts racing, I'm on edge...not from fear (at least not usually), instead I simply love the sights and sounds that this weather brings.

Tonight I've had the treat of listening to one of these storms. Although I'm not able to be on my parent's back porch tonight, I have had the windows open in my little house, the fresh air wafting in while I enjoy the flashes and booms. I didn't get as much work done tonight as I had hoped, instead, I took some time for myself to listen and "be".

There are other "storms" going on right now, whether in Marion or further away. Some storms I have a voice in, while others are beyond my control. No matter what type of storm though, I am able to listen...listen to myself, listen to others, and above all trust that there is a being higher than me, and that His plan is much better than my own.

Blessings to all of you!

Saying "yes" to what you love

Charles Lindbergh was the first to fly the Atlantic solo and nonstop. He dreamed of extending the boundaries of flight. When he landed his plane, the Spirit of St. Louis, outside Paris on May 21, 1927, he became a hero. He did not fly for the reward of being well known, and the adulation of many, but because he simply loved to fly.

"It is the greatest shot of adrenaline to be doing what you've wanted to do so badly. You almost feel like you could fly without the plane."--Charles Lindbergh

When you do something you love, it can feel like flying. It's been shown that people that immerse themselves in something they love are more relaxed, more creative, and better able to cope with the demands that life brings.

Today I drove to Wichita for a Mennonite Women's Retreat. I wasn't there as a participant, but rather I was one of the workers. I gave chair massages to 14 different people (our group gave 55 massages total!) in the space of 2 1/2 hours. While there were many people I didn't know, I did know several, and it was a good opportunity for me to catch up with them. One of them asked me what my favorite thing about massage is. It was an easy answer for me, and one that did not require much thought.

While I have always wanted to study massage, it quickly became evident to me once I had begun, that I had made the right decision. One of my first massage events that I worked showed me that this was what I was meant to do (in addition to my teaching! :) I love that part of my life too, at least most of the time!). I had had a particularly stressful week at school, and had taken a personal day to go to another school district and give massages as a Teacher Appreciation day from the local parent organization (wouldn't it be great if ALL schools did that!)... As I drove to the town, my mind was consumed with the chaos that defines MES, and the politics that go on in any school district. Even though this was technically a personal day, I was anticipating a day of work, and knew it would probably feel like a big truck had run over me by the end of it all. I would return to work the next day, feeling more run down than when I had left.

Or so I thought. The day turned out to be one of the best days I have ever experienced!

My answer to the question, "What is the thing you like best about massage?" is this... I am at complete peace when I do massage. My mind quiets itself (it will still be sorting things out, but not dwelling on things), my body flows into a routine, I go to a different place... My SOUL is at peace.

Massage can be, and often is hard work. My life is busy, and at times feels like I'm over committed (okay, I KNOW I'm over committed!). I am very tired after a day of massage, and especially the days I work at school, and then work in the evening. But even though I know that I will be physically tired at the end of the day, I'm doing something I love, and in a way renewing a part of myself. My body will be tired, but I'm also allowing myself to fly....

I'm making time right now to do something I've always wanted to. I encourage you to make time in your busy schedule to do the things you love, or try something new that you THINK you'll love.

Making a joyful noise

This morning I went to church. I know, exciting, huh? What a great opening sentence.

When I'm in Marion for the weekend, I attend a small Presbyterian church. I dearly love this church, as it was the church we attended when Heidi and I were small and living in Marion. When I moved back, they welcomed me with open arms, and many memories! The people in this church know and love me(for the child I was, and the grownup I've become), and NOTICE when I'm not there...and I hadn't attended church (in MARION) for over 6 weeks. I had valid excuses ready (3 weeks of influenza type stuff where I lost my voice, and was too tired to really get out of bed, and then 3 weeks of my sister and brother-in-law being in KS and wanting to see/hear them speak on Sundays), but despite my excuses, when I am absent, I am always given a hard time.

Now, showing up on Sundays to sit in a pew is only the start of what the congregation feels is my obligation to the church. As I said, this is a small congregation, and we all have to pitch in in order for it to function. One of my roles is to sing in the small church choir.

I love music, whether singing, playing or just sitting and enjoying. After the first Sunday of my attendance, the people sitting around me told me that I needed to become a member of the choir. This was not a request, instead, it was a requirement. I do enjoy singing in the choir, and like the fact that musically I still belong to something. After graduating from college, I found that there really aren't many musical opportunities for anyone my age. In the past I've driven back and forth from Wichita to be part of the Wichita Symphony Chorale (I'm not able to this year because of my class schedule, but I'm hoping that next year I can start again...), but other than that, there really isn't much. Wichita Symphony music is usually challenging, and while I don't like the practice director, I do love joining with the symphony and the maestro. Our Presby church choir, on the other hand, is NOT challenging. The songs we sing are songs that our 5th grade choir would have been able to handle--of course those Hesston kids are always advanced in the music department! :)

I've digressed though...I was going to tell you about this morning. This morning I decided that I needed the extra hour of sleep and decided not to go to choir practice. We meet an hour before the church service, and depending on the number that show up, the director pulls something out of the closet, and that is what we sing. Needless to say, I've sung the same songs over and over in the 4 years I've gone to the church, and I'm quite bored.

Instead of singing this morning though, I was a part of the congregation. Again, I'll tell you that we are a small congregation, and every member of the church choir made eye contact with me--trying to remind me that I should be up there instead of sitting in the pews. In any other choir, I like to sing the low alto part. In this choir though, I'm required to flip flop from alto to high soprano, depending on who shows up and what part they are. This morning there were 8 male voices, and 3 women (2 altos and a soprano). I know I would have been required to sing the soprano part this morning.

Instead, I sat in my pew and listened as they started a song we've sung several times before. It started fairly well, but as it went on, the song got higher and higher, and further and further out of the reach of the one and only soprano. This lady is a recent addition to our church family, and she was certainly making a joyful noise this morning. She was joyful, and it was sure noisy. As I sat and listened to her screeching, all I could think about was my own highschool director. He and his family attend church at Whitestone. Growing up, whenever I was singing in the front of the church with a group I would look back to where he was sitting. Anytime any of us were singing, he would sit there with his head down, eyes closed and a little smirk on his face. I was never sure whether it was because he was trying to shut off his other senses and concentrate on the voices he was currently training, or whether he was laughing at us singing, and didn't want us to see him. This morning, I may have figured it out.

I too found myself with my head turned to the floor, my eyes closed, and trying to keep a straight face. It was not a smirk on my face that I was trying to cover, it was a look of agony. My eyes were squeezed shut, my mouth contorted...it was all I could do not to cover my ears with my hands. This woman thinks she has been given a gift, and is determined to make sure we all are able to enjoy. The problem though, is that she can't stay on pitch, and really can't hit the high notes a soprano needs. I doubt she could hit them in her prime, in which she is definitely not now!

Exiting the pew, I was stopped by numerous people, asking why I wasn't in the choir this morning. On the way out the door, the pastor stopped me as I was shaking his hand. He asked the usual questions (where have you been, what have you been up to), but then looked me in the eyes and said, "Erica, you know, we REALLY need you in the choir."

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing...instead I just said "I know", and walked out the door.



Thank you, Steve, for your part in my laughter today. Thank you also for the years of teaching, and your part in my musical training. As I teacher myself, I'm aware of the many thank yous that go unsaid, and I didn't want either of you (Marcia--I love you too!!!) to not know how highly I think of you both and value your influence on my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are special people!

Time for Thanks

Just wanted to share that although my life at work continues to be stressful, this afternoon was great. I had a dr. appointment with Dr. Cranston, for a checkup on my thyroid. I still have a multinodular goiter, but after a sonogram I'm relieved to know that it has not gotten any bigger than the last time. I also feel like the synthetic thyroid dosage that I am taking right now is at least a starting to make a difference. I have more energy, my hair is starting to grow back in, and my skin isn't nearly as dry as it was before.

As I was driving to class tonight, I really thought about how much I have to be thankful for. Healthwise, I feel like we are heading in the right direction. I've got a group of family and friends who love me (despite my many flaws!) and care about what I've got going on in my life. I (for the most part) like my two jobs. Add to all this goodness that Heidi, Tim and Gustav arrive this weekend, and I'm practically on cloud nine! Oh, and the Kineseology test I thought I flunked last week Thursday I found out tonight that I got a B on it! Yippee!!!

I am so thankful for each and everyone of you! Much love to you all!

The Race of Life is going strong!

After my wonderful Christmas "break", this week was the official start of what my "normal" life is... I'm as busy as I ever was. :)

Teaching at MES is always exciting, but the kids have come back with more vim and vigor now after Christmas (this means more discipline problems than before.) We're hoping that it dies down, but the last 1/2 of the school year always holds more chaos that we seem to be prepared for. Yesterday, my friend Julie had to call the police after school because one of our 6th graders was beating up another child right off of school property. The individual has been quite the trouble maker all year, and we all wonder just how far he'll take it. Here's hoping that our fears are all unfounded, and that the year will be a smooth sail until the end!

This week I've worked at the massage clinic (I'm now working Tuesday evenings, and during the day on Saturdays); had 2 massage classes (one with Carolan in Marion, and then I'm taking Kinesiology in Andover), and numerous meetings before and after school. By the time I get home in the evenings, all I want to do is drop into bed--even if it is only 8:30! I realize that some of you might find this humerous, but I'm too tired to care! :)

Today I did a massage at the clinic, and then went downtown to donate my time to the City of Marion. Marion is trying to put some new playground equipment in the park downtown (which is good, since the equipment they have now has been around since I was a little girl--I vividly remember playing on it!) and have been having several fundraisers to try to make it happen. Today they had an auction in the City Building, and Carolan, Carol and I went down to do 5 min. massages in exchange for a donation to the playground fund. There wasn't a good turnout for the auction, and we were quite disappointed. I'm hoping that those that did show up will be generous in their giving!

This afternoon I'm hoping for a nap. I started some bread, so I'll need to bake that at some point. I'll include the recipe. My aunt Pauline's mother, "Grandma" Schmidt, makes this recipe, and I always love being invited to her family dinners so that I can enjoy this bread!

Dill Bread

Dissolve 1 pkg. yeast in 1/4 cup warm water.

Combine in mixing bowl:
1 c. cottage cheese
2 t. dill seed
2 t. salt
1/4 t. soda
1 unbeaten egg
1 T. melted butter or margarine
1/2 T. minced onion
2 T. sugar

Add: yeast mixture and 2 1/4- 2 1/2 c. flour

Stir well to combine. Let rise in greased bowl to double in size. Punch down. Put into two 7x3" or one 9x5" well-greased bread pan(s). let rise again, about 45-50 minutes. Bake at 350 degrees about 30 minutes. Remove from pans and brush with melted margarine.

**Since I'm not home very much, I usually start this in my bread machine, on the dough cycle. When I get home I bake it in the oven! So easy!

The goose is getting fat!

and me along with it!

I'm stuffed to the max with wonderful food after tonight's round of story telling with the Buller family. We had a great time gathering together to hear stories, courtesy of Pauline and Calvin; and of course we always enjoy getting together to just eat and be merry. The Christmas season has started, and with it come the many obligations that also somehow include food. Tonight is not the first gathering, nor will it be the last! Thinking about Christmas food and gatherings gets me to thinking about the other things that go along with Christmas as well.

This past week I've been playing Christmas music in my classroom, and one of the CDs that has been played the most has been John Denver and the Muppets. This was (and most likely still is) one of my favorite Christmas albums, especially the song that Miss Piggy sings "Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat! Won't you put a penny in the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny, a half-penny will do...." I remember sitting in our home in Marion on Cedar street singing along to this song when I was little, and I remember having such a vivid image of Miss Piggy singing it to me. Now I'm sitting in a home, not far from Cedar street, listening to the same song. Sometimes life doesn't take you very far from where you began!

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, but it is also a time that I find very sad. I know that many people consider me a "Scrooge" because of my views on Santa Clause, and I also know that I've used this blog in the past to air those views, so I won't put you all through that again! Instead, I'll just say that I urge you all to remember the real reason we celebrate this season.

This season should be about celebration, celebrating the birth of a small baby that was born to save us. Luke writes a story that could be (and has at this point) made into a movie. Luke doesn't write of Jesus' family tree---line after line of names (an especially long version of the Mennonite game!), instead the chapters read more like a script for a musical complete with lots of catchy songs and dance. I know I'm probably interpreting things differently because of the many church Christmas plays I've been in, not to mention the 6+ singings of the Messiah and the many rounds of Christmas carols I've sung. Music is a vital part of my personal Christmas celebration, but if you look to the story in Luke, I think that it also fits with Luke's version as well. If you look at the story, you will read of angel visits, a barren woman who is with child, a mute who can suddenly speak, a virgin birth, and shepherds visiting after being serenaded by angel song. All of these could be captivating reads entirely on their own, but when put together it should be a showstopper! With Luke's words, we should feel the spirit of "great joy" the angel predicted and certainly a spirit of CELEBRATION!

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." Luke 2:10

Looking for little miracles

I was able to spend the last few days with one of my friends from high school, Laura VZ. I had a WONDERFUL time, and I'm so glad that I went down to Dallas. We had had PT conferences during the evenings last week, and were rewarded with a day off on Friday. I was able to leave Marion and head south after my last conference on Thursday, arriving at 11:30 or so that evening.

For Laura, our days were filled with "normal" activities--nothing special, merely commonplace! :) But for me, it was much, much more. Beautiful, warm sun-filled days; the opportunity to sleep in in the mornings; the large, furry cat that slept on my pillow and licked my face all night; shopping opportunities; art museums; a KU game; fantastic restaurants and leftovers (yummy fajitas!); and above all, time spent with a wonderful friend! The smiles and stories exchanged meant a lot to me. I truly had a great time this weekend--3 days filled with so many small miracles!

Thank you Laura!

"Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God." --Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Tap the Wisdom of the Body

The past two weekends, I've made the long trip to Kansas City for 2 different conferences. Last weekend I went to a conference on Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, while this weekend I went to a conference on Headaches and Massage. One was definitely better than the other, but I have to say that I was able to come away from both having learned something(or things).

Of the many new things I learned, I also was reminded of how wonderfully made we are, and that our bodies are wiser than we realize. Our health and well being are two of God's many gifts to us. Our bodies are so amazing that they are able to let us know what we need, while being attuned to our surroundings.

Sometimes we lose sight of the physical signals that our bodies send us. Too often I find myself pushing myself to the extreme: not taking the time to rest when I am upset, even when I know that sleep will give the chance to "hash it out" and awake with a new perspective. If I push myself too hard, illness makes me stop to reexamine my actions!

The body is matter; but it is God's creation. When it is neglected or scoffed at, God himself is insulted. --Michel Quoist

Our bodies are "fearfully and wonderfully made"--an intuitive instrument that can instruct with wisdom, if we only take the time to PAUSE and listen.

One way of listening to our bodies is to take the time to "pamper" ourselves and receive the gift of massage. People that range from athletes to dancers, overstressed homemakers to busy executives (and many others) have discovered the benefits of therapeutic massage. Not only can you relieve stress or soothe sore muscles, you can also enhance your mental and emotional well-being.

Another of the things that I was reminded of this weekend, is that massage is actually an investment in your health. Setting aside the 1/2 hour or hour to have a massage is so much more enjoyable (at least for me!) than swallowing the latest "miracle" drug (and with far less side effects!) And I'd much rather pay for a massage than the pharmacist!

Okay, I've rambled now and been on my soap box. Please forgive me! :) I'm not necessarily trying to drum up business by this posting (although I always welcome new clients! :)), but I do feel that the society that we live in pushes us to the limits of what we are capable of, and that in the process we often forget what it is like for us to feel good and "whole". Massage is one of the ways that I've been able to get back in touch with what my body is feeling, and what it is supposed to be feeling--not the way my body feels as a reaction to what is going on in my life.

"Dear friend, I am praying that all is well with you and that your body is as healthy as I know your soul is." 3 John 2

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

This past week has be a trial for me. In fact, I would have to say that the past month has been trying for me. But, in particular, this past weekend was really terrible. There have been problems with kids in my classroom, angry parents (NOT my own!), and to make it even better, I was sick all of this last weekend. I think though, that things are on the mend.

In saying all that, I realize that I am not the only one who goes through difficult times. In fact, there are those that have it even worse than I do. This world we live in is a place that offers plenty of negative comments and criticism. Instead of the negatives we hear so often, we need others in our life who will offer encouragement and support. A circle of supportive friends (and relatives!) can encourage us to reach our full potential and make our lives easier and more fun. I am blessed to be surrounded by people such as these (near and far) that care about me and my little bumps in the road. Thank you! I truly appreciate you, and your many words of support lately. Your love for me is evident.

I am truly blessed.

"Encouragement is oxygen to the soul"--George M. Adams

Making a date with friends

Okay, I admit it! Sometimes I take life too seriously. I know, I know, it's a surprise to all of you! :)

There have been some instances of late that have made life seem more like an uphill climb, fighting all the way, instead of the playful romp I'd much prefer. I decided to do something about it today though, and spent the afternoon with Julie and Quinn out at the lake on the dock and enjoying the boat. I had so much fun this afternoon, I think I'll repeat the experience tomorrow as well!

Relaxing with friends puts problems into perspective. Friends are there for you through tears and laughter, troubles and triumphs. Friends make life worthwhile, ensuring that love and laughter are a part of your week.

Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidable tasks that always lie ahead. --Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Tuning in" to the right broadcast

Near car accidents...field trips....crowds....noise...chores at home...a never ending "to-do" list...general end of the school year chaos at work...

Daily life can wear my soul down, making me tired. Thankfully, God's beautiful landscape is out there waiting to renew me. I've been going out to Julie and Quinn's quite a bit recently...watching the horses gallop over the pasture...the baby chicks scurry across the yard...the sun setting through the trees, spreading vibrant colors across the sky...plucking wily weeds from our straight rows of potatoes, onions, lettuces...

When I'm spending time outdoors, I'm in a world filled with beauty, far, far away from my everyday cares and worries.

Jesus also left the crowds behind and went to the wilderness to pray. For me, spending time in God's creation is a form of prayer and thanksgiving for all I have been given, but also a way of feeding my spiritual body. The pastor of the small congregation I attend here in Marion said something a couple of weeks ago that has stuck with me ever since--he said, "if you are tired of doing ministry [which I feel applies to teaching!], check and see whether you are being fed spiritually."

Am I being fed, filled to the brim, renewed for my ministry? How do my community--my church congregation--my personal devotions feed me? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much of the "other" stuff that fills my life?

As this last week of school winds down, I'm eager to find more moments that I can snatch, leaving the crowds and cares of life behind.

I like to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,

through which God speaks to us every hour,

if we will only tune in.

-George Washington Carver

Message of Hope

As we drove throughout Oklahoma City this past weekend, I began to notice a statement that kept cropping up, seemingly repeated on every third or fourth bench we passed. It really struck home with me, and reminded me of the importance that the dialogue between God and myself should hold. There were several times that I tried to capture a picture like the one below, but there were individuals sitting on the benches. I wonder if they even had a passing thought over the message they were leaning against, or whether the bench provided just a place to momentarily rest for them.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

When things don't seem to be going my way, may I not become restless in the uncertainty--but rejoice in the assurance that God will provide for me, and rest in the knowledge that I will be taken care of according to His greater plan. All I have to do is ask!

Though you have not seen (Christ), you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

-1 Peter 1:8-9 NIV

Finding Comfort

Sometimes life is overwhelming. Terrifying events happen, terror strikes, people make life-altering mistakes...It is at these times that one should seek comfort in a higher power than our own.

These last weeks have been overwhelming--the college shootings sent a shiver of fear through all of us, but in addition to that there have also been several events closer to home that have caused great sorrow for those involved. Time seems to just drag by, with each day bringing new unhappiness to those around me. Today was yet another example of turmoil for us--the end of April and beginning of May are always an uncomfortable time in a school environment. Rumors run rampant as to who will be fired, who will resign, and if there will be replacements hired. The rumors have been vicious this year, and everything came down to a special board meeting that was held at noon today. Regretfully, one of the teachers that I work with has been RIFfed (fancy way of saying Reduction In Force). I am deeply saddened over the situation, as she is a first year teacher who has done a wonderful job with the group of kids she was given. She is a great teacher now, and I know that she will grow into a phenomenal teacher. It is really too bad that we will be losing her.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to have news like that, and then the next day be expected to come to work and carry on as normal. It will be up to those of us that work with her to offer her support and encouragement in any way that we can.

God's spirit is with us always, no matter what happens. We may not know why the hard times happen, but it is important to know who we can trust in the midst of them. By concentrating on the love and peace of God, we are able to exchange our fear and uncertainty for faith in His greater plan.

The fundamental fact of existence is that

this trust in God, this faith,

is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living.

It's our handle on what we can't see.

Hebrews 11:1

THE MESSAGE