Prayers would be appreciated

Last year about Thanksgiving time I wasn't feeling myself--nothing really bad, but just not like myself. I felt stupid for even complaining about it, but went to the doctor anyway. During the course of the visit, we found a lump on my thyroid. I was referred to a specialist for further evaluation. The specialist (Dr. Cranston) diagnosed me with a multi nodular goiter, and increased my thyroid medication, to make up for the lack of thyroid hormone I was naturally producing. At that time the dr. did a biopsy, which came back with no cancerous cells.

I have gone back several times since then, as it is important to keep the thyroid level within certain amounts. My last visit was this last Thursday. I anticipated that it would be much like my other visits. Checked in, asked how I'm feeling, quick sonogram of the goiter, blood testing, and I'm on my way... This time was different. The goiter had changed size. Dr. Cranston took another biopsy, had me do the blood work, and then told me he'd let me know what the results were.

I've been waiting for the results all week. I called yesterday to see whether the results were back, and I ended up talking to his nurse. She told me after looking at the pathology report that the cells didn't look the way they should, but that the dr. would need to talk to me about it. She left him a note to call me. Needless to say, I was unnerved...but I told myself that I shouldn't get too worried without talking to the dr. The nurse told me that the dr. had a full schedule of patients that afternoon, that he was still in surgery, but that I could expect a call from him yesterday evening. If I did not hear from him by 11:30 this morning, I was supposed to call back. Dr. Cranston did not call me last night, nor did he call me by 11:30 this morning. At lunch time I called the dr.'s office to see what was going on. Again, he had a full load of patients, but he would call me later in the afternoon.

After another phone call on my part in the afternoon, the dr. finally called me back this evening. My thyroid levels are normal, but the cells from the biopsy are not. He wasn't able to go into anything in detail this evening, except to say that the tumor is either a follicular adenoma or follicular carcinoma. From what I've been able to research so far an adenoma is a benign tumor, while carcinoma is cancer. Dr. Cranston said that it would be up to me as to whether we would take it out, but did say that the only way to know which it was for sure was to do surgery and take it all out. He wants to meet with me and talk about it more in depth and in person instead of over the phone, so I will be going this coming Thursday for another appointment to talk about my options. Until then I'll be doing some reading, so that I can go into the meeting feeling prepared and armed with good questions.

Tonight I've swung between feelings of extreme calm and peace, level headed and prepared for whatever may come, to tears and fear of the unknown. I swing from one end of the spectrum to the other in a matter of minutes, depending on who I'm talking to or what I'm thinking about.

Tomorrow I head to school and a "normal" day. I'm going to try to act as if everything is ok, not only for my own sanity, but because my kids are very good at reading emotions and then being affected by the adults in their day. I'm going to try to be very calm for the rest of the week, and concentrate on knowing as much as I can before the next time I see Dr. Cranston. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go about the next week, I'm sure I will need them.